also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
