I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
