my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
