just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
