Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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