I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
