I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
