If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
