i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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