If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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