i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
