I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
