Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They are going to name an STD after you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
