I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
