so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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