Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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