Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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