I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
