i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
