I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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