Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
