if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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