so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
