I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
