if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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