I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
