Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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