after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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