I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
