I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
