Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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