When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
