You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My bed smells like the plague
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
