I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
