i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
