i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
