a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
