Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
