Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
