please come you make the beer taste better
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
