Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
