she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
