i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
