Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
