I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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