I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
