if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
