Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
as a side note pls kill me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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