Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
