Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
