What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
