Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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